Love can be a wonderful feeling. Falling in love is especially special. For those who have fallen in love once, twice or several times, its easy to understand why this is.
However getting your heart broken is the complete opposite of falling in love. Nothing literally hurts the heart more than getting your heart broken by someone whom you truly love.
Now, staying in love is an entirely different ball game. It takes hard work. Some can say you don’t have to work hard for something that should come naturally. I say YES you do! What will last has to take hard work.
Falling in love isn’t hard work. Staying in love however requires some work because you have to compromise. There are times you and your boyfriend/partner will step on each others’ toes. But love makes you forget and forgive those little things.
If you are truly in love, you are willing to do everything in your capacity for the other person. Not because they deserve it (and not that they have to deserve it), but simply because of how you feel about them. That is LOVE.
How can you give your boyfriend/partner space? Why should you? Some will say “well if we love each other, why does either of us need space anyway?”. I say, YOU DO, otherwise things may get a little too confining eventually. Life is space. Human beings need space. That is why we have a vast amount of space to move, live, breathe and do what we want on earth. We are created to have a need for space from time to time.
As much as we need close bonds, friendships and relationships as means to grow as human beings, we equally need space as well from time to time to get our thoughts together, do our own thing and just be ourselves on our own.
Have you ever noticed this? When you see someone everyday; of the year and then another year and then some. They get accustomed to you so much that sometimes they probably take you a bit for….well…granted. Not in a malicious or mean way but just the familiarity that they see you everyday and you are always just…there.
And then one day you have to go away for a month to three months, and you can’t contact. When you are gone, they start to miss you. Week one, they miss you a bit. Week two, they start to miss you more. Week three, they sit up and start to really think of the things you used to do together. Week four, they start to remember the fun you had together, the little chats, the fights, the laughter, the tears that you shared together. Week five, they wish so much that you are back already.
When you get back, they are all over you. They missed you while you were gone so much that you now seem more ‘special’ to them. Your going away for a month to three months opened their eyes and hearts to how special you truly are. They didn’t see it so much before because you were always there, especially when they needed you.
You do have to give people a reason to miss you. Even your loved ones. You have to give them a reason to cherish what you have with them. One of the biggest ways to do it is giving them and yourself SPACE.
Its ok to not give each other space as the beginning of a relationship because you are just getting to know each other, and you can’t seem to be able to do without each other.
Again that’s how humans are wired. However, when the ‘New’ season dies down a bit, you have to give each other some space. Space to miss each other a bit, space to do your own thing.
1) (Girls/Women) Believe it or not, men/boys love their time out alone often. They are wired like that. Most men at least. They enjoy sports, boys time, quiet time, peaceful time (away from you sometimes, not because they can’t stand you). You have to be willing (and take initiative) to give them their space without them having to tell you, or without them having to act weird in order to get the message to you.
2) (Boys/Men) Girls/women also enjoy their time alone. They want to hang with the girls. They want to go to the salon, shopping and do other girls/women stuffs. Even though some girls enjoy taking their men with them to these places, most girls/women would rather go alone or with their girlfriends because many usually think boys/men can be a bit boring when it comes to shopping/ and salon etc.
3) Don’t bombard him with calls, texts and emails. Limit the number of times you call him. Too many calls can seem cool at first but it can get tiring. Again it takes us back to the space thing. We are wired to need space sometimes. Some men can perceive too many calls or text messages to be a sign of insecurity on your part. They are the chasers, born to chase, hunt and be challenged. Give them that challenge!
4) Don’t over-seek verbal expression of love. Go easy on wanting to be told how much you are loved. Believe this, if someone loves you indeed, they will let you know in a natural and very loving way. You don’t have to extort it out of them or force them into telling you all the time. Actions they say speak louder than words.
5) If they see that you can hold your own, not needing validation too many times, and are comfortable being on your own when they are not there, they will be naturally drawn to you, and falling in love will only get better. If you seem to have a problem with giving him/her space, then you might want to discuss it with them and let them know how you feel. Someone who truly cares about you will understand.
Finally, talking about things, being open and honest does help build a strong and lasting relationship. Always remember, nothing beats honesty, faithfulness, communication and being true to yourself in this LOVE matter. Until next time.