This is a Powerful, Inspirational, Motivational and thought provoking book that will set girls/women on the right course. It will help them find who they really are.
Looking inside yourself can sometimes be hard when you have not looked in a long time, or if you do not know how to search really deep.
Reading this book will help many women search deep inside their heart to find who they are.
I am writing this book because God placed it in my heart to do so. This book will help women immensely if they take time to read, digest, practice and let it sink inside their soul.
I will include some of my own life experiences in there as well to support how passionate I am about the breaking free of yourself from how people think you ought to act, live or please them.
What is Self-Esteem? Many people have different meaning to ‘having a self-esteem’ but I will state the general definition of Self-esteem below;
- Self-Esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self
- Self-Esteem is also described as ‘Confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self respect
Many female, young and old have given away their self esteem to men, whether in their past or present; and many have done so unknowingly. I will address how this can come about in my book.
Losing part or all of your self esteem does not start overnight. It is a process, and it can be overlooked in the early stage. It does happen to the strongest women too if they are in the wrong place, with the wrong people and with the wrong men.
I will be taking this step by step, taking my readers along the way from the beginning of how it starts, so be patient and take your time, if possible notes while reading to get the key points along the way.
Its more important to take time to assimilate and let what is written sink in slowly, if you like you can pause while reading the book to reflect back on your own life, how you got to this point in your life and what caused it. Note-taking could be beneficial for you while reading this book. I am interested in seeing you relate it to your own life experiences, and start on a journey of self recovery and getting back what was lost.
As I stated earlier, the idea to write this book came to me from God and this means it’s not just my idea alone. Its highly motivated and Inspired by Him. Therefore, understand that there is truth, power and joy in this book. Every line and sentence means a lot, and its important to not just read this book for reading sake but read it as if you are ready to change your life and get your Self-esteem back.
This book is written mainly for all female. This focuses more on ‘Self-Esteem’ and how to not give it away. And if you have given it away, this book shows powerful ways to get it back. This book can be read by men too, relating your experience with the opposite sex. Its very useful for both male and female.
I wish everyone that reads this book the best of luck, empowerment, and hope very much that you will begin to take control of your life back as you begin to understand the truth and power you have which will be revealed in this book.
Chapter 1 – You Come First
I have to start my book with You.
There is no one else that can live your life as you would. You were created to be You. If you were created to live somebody else’s life, you would have been created in their body and life. You have to understand that you are not a mistake. No matter how you came about. No matter the circumstances that surrounded your birth, before, during and after. You are not a mistake.
The Creator of the Universe made you as you. He did not create you by mistake or on second thoughts. You were planned, prepared and brought forth by Him. However you are feeling right now does not change the fact that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You may not be able to change your past but you are not in the past anymore, so why change it?
You are in the present and that is what is more important. Present means Now. It is something you can do now. Something you can believe now, something you can achieve now.
You were not tied to any man or anyone from birth. You were brought forth as you when your mother conceived you. Even if you are a twin, remember you and your twin did not come out at the same time. One came before the other. This is asserting the truth that you are you, and no one else can live your life the way you can.
What someone says about you or tells you does not define who you are. What people believe about you does not ultimately determine who or what you will be. The only one who is capable of shifting things in your life with their mind and belief is you.
People can have as much influence in your life as much as you let them. Their deeds, words and ways will go as far as you let it. You ultimately call the shot in your life. No one else does. Which comes down to what sort of influence you are letting into your life and what sort of things you are allowing to sink into your soul.
You have the power to refuse what you don;t want. God has given you the ability to think clearly on your own in a way that your life will move in the right direction and path. God lives in you and has placed a very special gift inside of you.
If you decide to be happy today, guess what? You will be happy. Deciding to do something is not just the thought but action follows as well. A decision is a Resolution reached after careful consideration, and a resolution is a firm Decision to do or not to do something. They are intertwined and you have to be resolute in your mind to want to be happy before you can be happy. You don’t waver when you are resolute. To be resolute is to be determined and purposeful.
Therefore determination and purpose will influence your decision and make it come to pass.
There is power in what goes through your mind, whether you believe it or not. This is not a kinetic or scientific law. This is the power embedded in humans by the Creator of the Universe; God. You are powerful, and I’m not just saying this because I want to boost your ego. It will be nice to boost your ego but this book is reality. I believe every human being is powerful. That is why its very important to guard and watch what goes through your mind and heart.
Will you feed your mind and soul with positive things? Your mind and soul longs to be fed positivity. They long to be desired in a special way. They are what carries you through life and they feed off of what you give them. They desire to make you happy. They are placed in you by God and He placed them in you to be you. Will you feed them positivity today?
To be happy is from within, its not something people feed you. Influence to be happy can come from others, but to really be happy deep down will come from you. it enforces the belief that many people who are alone can be happier than the ones who have people around them. You don’t have to be in the midst of many people to have joy in your soul. True joy stems from knowing who you are, believing in who you are, loving who you are and others around you, having a purpose and knowing what you want out of life.
You don’t have to love yourself only if some things are perfect in your life. Don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you start loving yourself. Love yourself right now. Start today.
- Are you waiting for the right man to show up before you can start loving yourself?
- Are you waiting for the perfect job to show up before you can start feeling good about yourself?
- Are you waiting for the perfect break in business before you can start enjoying who you are right now?
- Are you waiting to be like that seemingly ‘perfect’ friend or colleague of yours before you can be happy?
- Are you waiting to be complimented by others before you can be assured of who you are?
- Are you waiting for the man or woman in your life to compliment you before you can truly love yourself?
Don’t wait for the above, Start loving yourself now. Don;t wait for the perfect time because the time you are waiting for is Right Now! This may seem like a push to make you into something you are not, but I am actually pushing you to be who you are supposed to be right now.
There is no perfect relationship, person, job, career, health, husband, wife or lifestyle.
Perfect means having All the required elements, qualities or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
Perfect is without any flaw or defect in condition or quality.
Perfect is faultless
Perfect is precisely accurate and exact.
Perfect is absolute and complete
The only One who is Perfect is God. He is the only One who is capable of not changing. He is the only One without any flaw. No human is perfect.
If we were perfect, there would not be any problem in the world today. If humans were flawless, there would not be any fault or issue in anyone’s life. As soon as you start to let it sink in you that no one is perfect, you will begin to take a rein on your life as it is right now, and start working towards who you want to be. Don’t wait for tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Start today.
And you don’t have to worry about doing everything at once. Remember its a process and the process begins little by little. You want to give yourself time to let the old ways, thoughts, feelings and hurt die away. The right mindset will get you on the right track. You have to start taking baby step, focusing on the right things, the right people and the right decisions.
This book is mainly about not giving your self esteem to a man, and that is what I will cover in the next chapters. However, I need to get you energized, pumped up and hopeful before we dive into the next chapters. Its important you take time to assimilate what has been written in this chapter before we go to the next chapters. A lot of you will find very similar patterns in your life when you read the next chapters. As I said before, I have also experienced a little bit of this and have broken free!
The power that helped me break free is the power of God. He asserted to me that I am His creation and He truly loves me. He showed me that I am worth more in His hands than I have been letting on in life. He embedded it in me that I am created in His Glory and I do not have to get any approval from man to be who He created me to be. He showed me that I can be who He wants me to be by His power and by the strong-will He has placed in me. He says He loves me so much He took time to create me specially.
Guess what? He is saying the same to you right now.
I want you to break free as well, and start taking the steering wheel of your life. You are the driver of your car. Your car is your life, and only you get to drive it. No man or woman can drive it for you like you can. When you give the steering wheel of your car to a man, he will drive you to wherever he wants. Giving the steering wheel to him is giving him the control to take you wherever and whenever. And unless you take the steering back, he will continue to drive you to wherever he likes.
Remember when he drives, you are the passenger. And a passenger does not control the car, a passenger only watches. You can visualize that and think about how much control you have given the men in your life and how this has affected your self esteem and goals.
This doesn’t only apply to men controlling you. This can happen with your friends or family as well. Have you given them control more than deserved? Have you allowed people to totally control you and steer you wherever they want? You will never be truly happy unless you take control of your life.
No one can drive you to where you should be like you can. No one can handle your life perfectly for you like you can. Its your life, your body, your mind, your brain, your soul, your heart. You are the one chosen for your life and you are the one chosen to be in control of that life, which is why you are You.
Understanding how you came about, your childhood dreams, goals and desires. Remember how, when you were little, you were full of joy and zeal. You had dreamed of one day marrying a prince. Didn’t we all? You had pictured your life full of travel, exploration. You basically had larger than life dreams.
But while growing up, circumstances and situations seemed to change for you, and you perhaps found yourself doing something you shouldn’t be doing, in career, job, relationships, friendships, lifestyle You wondered what happened to that little girl, and all that passion and dreams.
Many people have been through the same thing, and the little girl you were then was innocent and sweet. That little innocent girl had something great deposited in her by God. What you dreamed of, thought of, had passion and goals for were the things you have been destined to do and achieve in life.
Passions and goals stemming from within, begins from childhood, at the age where you can think of right and wrong. You are called to be great, to make a difference in people’s lives, to change lives and be changed by others’ lives as well in a positive way. I am not talking about negative passions and goals here.
Becoming and achieving that passion, goals and desire which have been deposited in you is a process, a natural process that every one goes through in life. As I said before, circumstances and situations can alter, delay, or affect that process, but it does not stop it. I will explain it this way.
What the Creator of the Universe has deposited in each person is like how He created the world. When you look at the beautiful sky, the moon, the stars, the plants, the animals, the sea, everything is created by God. He has placed everything on earth here for us. And when He placed them here, they have been here. They haven’t changed. Different animals have their names and they still continue to bear those names and also they continue to live and multiply as God intended.
The trees and the sea are there as well, the seas and oceans have not dried up, they continue to remain as God intended. Same with the trees, they are still there and haven’t changed the slightest. They start really small, and grow to be big and beautiful. That is how God intended everything. And from day one, nothing has stopped the tree from growing, nothing has stopped the animals from multiplying, nothing has stopped the seas and oceans from having its waters with fishes in it.
The truth is humans can affect these things, but they can never stop the way its been designed to come about by God. Man can cut down trees, they can kill animals for food, they can drop things in the ocean, BUT they cannot alter or stop the way these creations came about and grow.
If you understand my analogy, then I would try to relate it to how your life works as well. You have been created as you, and no one else can be like you. As much as there are billions of people in the world today, no one else has what you have, no one else can play your tune and no one else can dance your dance. You are you amongst billions of people.
Now, people can try to bring you down, hurt you, control you, deceive you or even abandon you. But this is only to the extent to which you allow them in your mind. No one can stop you from getting to where you are meant to be. No one can alter what God has placed in you.
What has been deposited in you belongs to you, and no one can take that away from you. Situations and circumstances may affect it but they can never never kill it or destroy it. Its in you, it may be hiding because of the past, and what you are going through, but that beautiful deposit is always going to be there. You will just have to begin the process of looking back in there, to dig it out and start allowing it to manifest in your life.
Only God can dry up the seas in an instant. Only He can change the course of the way things came about because He made all things in the first place. Only He has the ability to change who you are entirely. But why would He? When He made you, He already made you perfect in His eyes. He is unchangeable and He does not make mistakes. Who He wants you to be in this life is who you will be. You just have to take a step of faith and start allowing yourself to manifest the Beauty and greatness that is inside of you.
You are powerful. More powerful than millions of animals, more powerful than billions of trees, more powerful than the sea and ocean. You have a mind, body, heart and a powerful soul which God has deposited in you. Only humans have what no other creation has. Animals cannot think like you can. They don’t understand the concept of things like humans do. They cannot speak clearly like you can. They cannot use their ideas, creativity and inner mind like you can. They are not created in the Image and Glory of God like you are.
Why then would you let all the beauty that has been placed in you go to waste? Why would you give it away to someone to control or use as they want? Why will you allow what life throws at you get you down that you feel out of it and you have no zeal or joy to want to enjoy who and what God has made you to be in this world? You have so much to give to the world. You have so much inner power and inner beauty to show the world. You are strong, talented, beautiful and can do so much more than you believe you can.
Come with me along the journey. As you read, relate what you read to your life, and think about how the stark truth can be quite glaring. I will state the examples of how the web of low self-esteem can start, because most women overlook the little things in the beginning. If you have been there, you will relate more with what I am going to state. If you have not been there, don’t stop reading. This book will open your eyes and mind to the things which you should avoid and the things which you should stick to. Its important to take this book seriously, and with a heart to want to change.
CHAPTER 2 – He is a Nice Guy
Most women have been there, if not all. Think about all the nice guys you met who turned out to be ‘not so nice’.
Lara met a really nice and lovely guy. To top it all, he was very attractive and charming. Jon was taken by Lara the first time they met, and did everything for her. Lara literally fell head over heels in love with Jon in less than two weeks. She thought she’d found the perfect guy.
She introduced Jon to all her friends and family. She was over the moon-happy whenever he called. Jon showered her with compliments and gifts. He couldn’t lift a wrong finger. He was always perfect. Lara thanked God everyday for sending Jon her way, even though it may not have been God who did.
Lara’s friends thought Jon was cool as well. They were happy for her and some were even a bit envious of how much he seemed to shower her with love and affection. Atimes Lara felt like she’d won the lottery. That was how good Jon was to her.
In Lara’s mind, she found the perfect guy. She started to think about how the relationship will pan out. She daydreamed a lot that she started to become very into Jon and the idea of a life with Him.
Whenever Lara was with her friends, all she talked about most of the time was Jon, and they always encouraged and made her feel good. This even reinforced to her that Jon was indeed the right man for her. She couldn’t wait to speak to him all the time.
Jon never disappointed Lara as well. He called her most evenings and before she went to bed. He would sing to her on the phone, tell her jokes, compliment her and take her on a wild lane about how good their life will be together.
He even joked a lot about how good and beautiful their kids will turn out. This made Lara feel more and more comfortable with Jon. She started to think about her future with him. What she would do with her career, how she can work her way around her career and being a wife to Jon in the near future.
She started to think whether she would be a housewife or do a little bit of job on the side. She wondered what Jon would think about it.
This happened in the space of two to three weeks. Lara literally fell hard and fast for Jon. She had her phone nearby all the time and could not wait for it to ring most of the time. Even while at work, Lara had her phone on vibration with a bright light just sitting beside her monitor on the desk so she could see clearly if it was Jon or not.
She picked his calls anywhere and anytime. She even returned unfamiliar calls in the hope that Jon might have rang from one of his friends’ phone.
whenever she rang Jon, he would pick the call and chat sweetly to her. He had time for her even when he was at work. They spent every-night together on the phone talking about nothing to everything.
Jon seemed to be falling in love with Lara as well, or so it seemed to Lara. He was still the perfect sweetheart.
Lara and Jon dined, wined and went everywhere together. They spent the weekends going out together. Sometimes with friends, and sometimes by themselves. Movies, bars, church, adventures, shopping were all their favorite places and activities.
Then one day, after about two months, Jon was busy on the weekend. He called Lara to let her know he would be busy with work on that weekend, which was true. She was disappointed but was understanding. She acted happy on the phone and wished him a lovely weekend. Strangely tears came to Lara’s eyes as she hung up the phone. She wondered if indeed Jon was working. She believed him but she felt a lonely pang hit her suddenly. she felt unable to go through the whole weekend without Jon.
She called him again that night and asked how he was doing wit work. He seemed glad to hear her voice and assured her he was doing fine and missed her.
Lara offered to come over later that night if he didn’t mind. He spoke gently back to her and declined lovingly that he would have loved to but he was very tired and had to get up early the next morning to finish the work. The work was very important according to Jon. He told her he loved her and wished her a great night. Lara hung up the phone with mixed feelings. Another few tears came again and she nearly hit herself for tearing up because her sweetheart was busy with work. This does not usually happen, this was his first time taking the weekend away from her. He would be back the next weekend and all will be alright.
She drove to the nearest video rental store to rent some romantic movies and grabbed some packs of chocolate on the way with a bottle of white wine. She jumped in for a hot and quick shower as soon as she got home then slipped into a comfortable nightwear and retired to her living room to watch the movie. She poured herself a glass of wine and snacked away at the chocolate.
While the movie played, Lara’s thoughts were on Jon. She could not keep her mind off him. She wished they were watching the movie and drinking wine together. Or better still she wished they were out having a good time.
The phone rang. It was one of Lara’s best friends. She wanted to know what she was doing on a Saturday night. Lara told her what she was doing, and her friend invited her out with the other girls for a night out. She declined with a smile, even though she had wanted so much to go out that night. The thought of Jon at work and missing him too much would not let Lara accept her friend’s invitation. Her friend wished her a great night and hung up the phone.
The movie was at the part where the man proposed to the woman. Lara started to tear up as her thought drifted to Jon. She thought about how sweet it would be if Jon proposed to her in a similar way. She thought of how beautiful her life with Jon will be. Their little kids running around the house. Their beautiful family and great life together. The more she thought of it, the more she drank her wine and ate more chocolate. Before she knew it, she was fast asleep on the couch and all she dreamed about was Jon. This time he seemed to be a little bit distant in her dream. When Lara woke up, it worried her a bit.
WHERE YOU COME IN
In this chapter we will look at where you fit in the story above. Who is Lara? She could be you. You have to relate your life to Lara’s. How did you feel when you met that guy who made you feel like the best thing in the world? How did the first two to three months of your relationship pan out? What you experienced does not have to be the same as Lara’s but you have to find a similarity or pattern in Lara’s story when compared to yours.
Lara fell hard for Jon. He seemed to be too good to be true to her. She wanted him with all her heart and she believed that she found the right guy. Her friends also encouraged her and even reinforced her belief. Not that they were wrong but they judged by what they saw of Jon. He was a really nice guy to them and he treated Lara very right.
BUT Lara gave away too much in the beginning. How are you in the beginning of dating or a relationship?
Lara pinned so much for Jon, she literally spent most of her working hours thinking of Jon. She had her phone beside her all the time and even at work. She never placed work ahead of Jon and would ignore a co-worker if it meant speaking to Jon at the same time. Lara never missed a call from Jon. She also called him all the time.
Do you do that with a guy you seem to be falling for?
If you do, it has to stop in the beginning! I mean it. Men are happy to be the chasers. You don’t need to do the chasing for them. In-fact men are born to chase. God created men to hunt, and do most of the work.
In the first chapter I discussed knowing who you are and not giving that away. This comes to reality here. Just because a man seems to really like or spoil you does not mean you have to give away all your time and energy to him. You are what you think. If he is all you think, then you are giving most part of yourself away to him. He didn’t ask for it, but you did.
Even if that’s what he really wanted, its still up to you to give it or not. You call the shot and because of what he did for you, you have decided in your mind that you would do anything to have him or make him all yours, which includes giving away your entire self, time and mind to him.
This is tricky because a lot of women do not know that they are doing it in the first place. I told you I have been in a similar situation before as well. You can be strong, tough and pretty focused but this part is so tricky you may not realize you are indirectly giving it all away to him.
It all starts in your mind. Your mind is very powerful. As I said before it feeds on what you feed it. That mind of yours is created for you by God for ideas, creativity, and beautiful things, but if you dedicate most part of that mind or heart to the your Jon, then he will be all that matters to you. Everything else will be pushed on the backburner in your mind.
Therefore, do not give away your heart/mind so soon. Hold unto it dearly as a precious gem that it is. Your mind is yours and no one can have it the way you have it. Its delicate, precious and very receptive
Its ok to feel special by a man. Its okay to allow him to chase you in the beginning of your relationship. Infact he would appreciate you more that way. Its ok to have your own life and not have to sit by the phone all day just for him to call you.
Don’t push everything else aside for Jon. If you are working, then focus on work. Even if he calls whilst you re working, don’t pick the call. You can always speak to him later in the day and explain why. This way, he knows and understands that you do appreciate your life and what you do. And its not all about him.
Understanding appreciation for yourself goes a long way in life. Appreciating yourself is about putting what you want first. Putting what you want first is not selfish, its about knowing who you are and not allowing any outside influence affect that fact in your mind.
When you put yourself first and everything is in order in your life, even if a Jon comes into your life, you will still have a special place for him without it affecting other aspects of your life. This is called stability.
Lara couched-potato when Jon told her he was busy on that weekend. She didnt have to couch-potato. She could have easily put on a nice dress, go out with her friends and have a good time. If she had done that, she would have felt so good about herself, and if Jon learned that she was out having a good time, he will actually respect her more knowing she does have a life of her own and she is not waiting on him before she can be happy on her own.
Take this seriously. Everything I write is written analogically. It is the truth but it does not have to be exactly how it is in your life. Use it to relate to what you are going through and make amends.
Lara did not have to cry when Jon told her he was not going to be available that weekend. Its ok to cry once in a while but choose your tears carefully. You can be strong and very independent even whilst still in a relationship.
Don’t drink yourself to sleep, don’t use alcohol as a substitute for comfort or solace. Once you start using alcohol as a substitute, you progressively become dependent on it. And we all know excessive alcohol does nothing but destroys the body.
Not seeing him is painful
It does feel painful not being able to see him. You start to worry if he takes some time away with work or with family.
Lara did not see Jon that weekend and she missed him very much. When she woke up the next morning, she felt the force of hang-over. She downed two aspirin and ignored calls from her family and friends. Infact the sound of the phone was torture to her if it was not Jon.
She missed her Sunday morning breakfast at her favorite local cafe, and missed church service as well.
Jon called her later that afternoon while she was in bed lazing. She picked the phone and changed her tone to up-beat. He seemed happy to be speaking to her, and asked about her weekend. She told him she spent it watching movies and eating chocolate. He chuckled at her and told her he missed her. He would like to catch up with her during the week sometime. She was disappointed again, because she’d thought he would ask her to see her that evening. When she asked what he was doing later that evening, he told her he was calling her from his parents house. He was there for lunch and dinner.
Lara was a bit hurt that he could not spend time with her or even invite her to his parents for dinner. She however kept this to herself and wished him a great night. He didnt miss the hint of disappointment in her voice.
Jon told her he loved her on the phone, and that was the first time he’d said that. She was elated and all her worries faded away. She cried out in glee after he hung up the phone. She smiled very widely to herself and hugged her pillows in joy. He actually said he loved her. Wow!
Lara rang one of her friends and told her about what Jon said. Her friend was happy for her and told her she was a lucky woman. Lara ended the call in joy. She also rang her parents back and apologised for not picking the phone earlier. They seemed a bit worried and asked if everything was ok. She assured them she was fine. She also told them about Jon and her, and how things are growing very nicely between them. Her mum was happy for her and wanted to know when they would visit together. She promised her that very soon, they will come visit them together.
Lara went to bed that night very happy and her dreams were good. Mostly about Jon.
The week that followed had Lara in her boss office one afternoon, His face beaming. He announced that she had been promoted. She was excited until he told her that she had to move interstate to one of their branch companies to manage one of their main departments. Her face fell and she could not take it. Taking the offer means spending more time away from Jon. She asked the boss if she could think about it for a few days. He agreed and told her she had a week to think about it.
Lara went home a bit confused. She spoke to Jon later that night and told him about the promotion and move interstate. He seemed to have mixed feelings too. He assured her he loved her and whatever she decided to do, he would definitely support her. He asked her what she’d like to do. Lara admitted to him that she was not sure as well. She told him she would miss him, her family and friends in her hometown. She also told him she had a week to think about it. Lara ended the call after they spoke for about one hour and half. Jon assured her mostly on the phone that he was with her, whatever she decided to do.
Lara went to bed in thoughts. If she moved interstate, that meant she couldn’t see Jon as much anymore and she could not bring herself to lose him to another woman. She also would miss her friends and family as well.
She knew she deserved the promotion and she had been waiting to be promoted, but she just wished she’d been promoted in the same company and not have to move interstate. Her boss had told her that was the only place open for her to manage. It was also nearly double pay rise!
If she told her family, they would definitely tell her to move interstate because that job was going to be a boost for her future career. If she told her friends, they would tell her the same. But Jon seemed to not tell her to not go. She wished Jon could have told her not to go, and she would have instantly called her boss and tell him she couldn’t take the promotion. But now she needed to think for a few days about what to do.
Lara and Jon met up on one of the weekdays following their conversation. They had a quiet dinner at a lovely restaurant and she was happy to see him again. He seemed very happy too. They talked about their life, future and her job.
He assured her he would be visiting her if she moved. He said even if he couldn’t every weekend, he would manage to visit her once every fortnight until they decide to take their relationship to the next level.
This should have sounded good to Lara but for some reason she didnt think she could manage not to see Jon every weekend or more. Once a fortnight was too long for her. She was indecisive and still decided to think about it a bit more. Jon encouraged her to follow her heart.
They spent a great deal of time chatting. They also planned to go away that weekend on a camping trip. Jon dropped her off at home after their dinner with a kiss goodnight.
That weekend, on Friday afternoon, as Lara was having lunch at work, and thinking of how much fun Jon and her would have on the trip, her phone rang and it was Jon, she was happy to hear from him. His voice didn’t sound too up-beat and she knew something was not right.
He had to travel interstate for work this time on the weekend! Lara’s heart fell. She was disappointed again. She didn’t understand why Jon had to work on the weekends after two or three months into their relationship. He always had time for her. He told her his new responsibilities at work meant he had to work sometimes on the weekend but it was always not going to be like that. He consoled her and assured her he would be thinking of her. He said he was sorry he let her down this weekend and would have taken the weekend off but the job had to be done.
Here was Lara thinking she would stay here because of Jon and not take the job interstate, but Jon seems to be doing whatever he wanted without thinking of her. She felt hurt and felt a little bit betrayed. She hung up the phone and managed not to cry. Her co-worker who saw her countenance after she hung up the phone asked her what happened and she waved it off, fighting the tears off as she swiftly dashed into the ladies room. She sat on the toilet and wiped the tears off quietly.
This was a second let-down and she didn’t know how much she could take. Jon seemed to love her and he was happy whenever she was with him. She was sure he cared about her and it was only his job that caused the time apart. She received a text message from him then, and he apologized again and said he loved her. She got up and went back to work.
She was not even sure what to do that weekend. She had lost the drive to go out and have fun with her friends, but if she didn’t go anywhere, her friends would be worried about her. Maybe she could go and spend time at her parents’ for the weekend. But she’d already told them she was going on a camp trip with Jon.
…..TO BE CONTINUED